my crib

2005-09-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

September 18, 2005... Sunday... This, should i say, is one of the best days of my life.. Wuhuu... napapakanta ako ng kantang gawa ng sariling pag-iisip.. madaloy ngunit may himig at lagapak sa pandinig.. It feels like im the never-gonna-stop-never-ever-stop-ain't-gonna-keep-you-up living thing on earth.. weheheh.. just a sense of lucracy. Eh pano ba naman... kasama ko "siya". Ang saya-saya... halos buong araw na kaming magkasama..actually, hanggang ngayong ginagawa ko ang latest post ko.. first, nagchurch kami..which i never expected na makakasama siya.. nagkamali ako sa kanya... yun nga lang late namang dumating.. walang pinag-iba.. makulit, palangisi, pasaway... walang pinag-iba... same old brand new you..'ika nga. ang galing nga ng topic eh.. about forgiving.. mukhang pal talaga ni God na magkaroon na ng recon between us.. asteg.. after that, we ate lunch sa greenwich.. we made feast on chicken, baked mac, and a rice meal which i forgot the name.. plus, we got a free solo size pizza.. Indeed, the best things in life are free. cozy, ang lunch.. comfy while we're eating... maglunch ba naman sa couch? so un... ate marie, paul, bench, and I... have a blast.. kaya lang after the two ate their tiramisu dessert, ate marie left us na kasi she had work at 2. so kami na lang tatlo ang natira. after, staying there for about an hour... we decided to leave the place and napagdesisyunan namang magvideoke... hindi lang simpleng kantahan.. concert yata ang nangyari.. their lungs almost blasted singing those 24 songs.. astig.. natutuwa ako sa mga kinanta ni bench.. although oldies na.. quiet tinamaan ako.. sobrang na-touch ako dun.. especially sa "you changed my life in a moment" (tama ba 'yun?), "i will always love you", at marami pa... actually, nag-AWOL na ako sa work... for i know, rare opportunity ko un na makasami sila. after that, paul suggested to visit allan in his house but because bench didn't wanted to, we opted to go to baywalk... so un.. at the time we arrived at Kalaw, heavy rain fell. Grabe.. nasira ang planong magbay-walk.. nagpatila muna kami ng ulan, hoping na hihinto pa ito, but then hindi pala.. nasayang lang ang oras...so, i suggested na mag SM Manila na lang kami... then inaya ko na silang magdinner kasi I feel gutom na din sila. We ate Mongolian Rice Meal.. KFC... at my expense... syempre pasikat naman 'tong si Bench bumila pa ng salad sa Wendy's... grabe..sobrang ang bigat sa tiyan ng dinner... we stayed there.. usap-usap ng konti about the 'main agenda'... malabo pa rin... pero mukhang okay na rin naman na.. wala eh.. malabo talaga siyang kausap... so un hanggang ngayon.. magkakasama kaming nagkokompyuter... hope hindi ito ang huli.. i am wishing na mauulit pa... sarap matulog ngayong gabi...

anyway...

sorry ha.. pero surprisingly nanalo pa ang UP Pep last Sunday sa Cheerdance Compet.. i was expecting they will land on the fourth... well, congrats na rin... Congrats na rin sa Salinggawi, you deserve it... kita kits na lang next year... naastigan ako sa banner nating "UP Kami.. Kayo?"

a sense of kaastigan...

2005-09-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

Is your eyesight blurred? It’s okay. You don't need a perfect 20/20 vision to see how beautiful or ugly the world is. You don't need a pair of eyeglasses to read even the tiniest hieroglyphics in the walls of your head. Not even the blind may be exempted from having vivid perceptions. Not even the nearsighted may be excused from expressing what he/she can see at the other side of the ocean. Enter, if you wish. No matter how clear or unclear your vision may be, there are no restrictions. All you need is a thinking device. Let my bewitched 320/320-vision aim at the bull’s eye. Should I miss, let me try again, or perhaps, show me how......lagsh

tunay na astig...

2005-09-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

Something wakes you up in the morning, tells you to look at the clock, and then you realize you're a few minutes earlier than your alarm. You try getting back to bed, but you've woken up.
There's no going back.You force yourself to get up from the comforts of sleep. You get ready for work, and when you get there, it's a different world. It's a play, and you realize you're a completely different person, so detached from the life you used to live. Or maybe this is how you'd like to think. Because you'd rather think this than admit that you've changed. So much so that you hardly recognize the same person staring back at you when you look at the mirror. It isn't so much that your hair got longer, or that lately, you've been wanting a major wardrobe overhaul.
It's that you think a little bit more differently than you used to. That you know you are about to cross two different paths in your life, and no one can tell you where to go.It's a choice you have to make, you see. Not that it's any easier; just when you thought you've closed the door, someone opens it for you.
You say it's unfair. You say you're meant for this, that it's your life, to live it as you please. But it doesn't work that way, and you resent this fact, because you know everybody else depends on you and there is no other way around it.Yet you comfort yourself, when you go home and shed all the shackles of the part you played. In the darkness, something puts you to sleep, deep into a trance where all thoughts shape you into who you really are, so when you wake up, you can be who you want to be. This is your life, and there is no going back.
Galing mo talaga... im a fan of yours...

dis wan's poryu

2005-09-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

t'was september 8... the ninth to be precise... expecting that it would be another boring, senseless night of inuman.. i was wrong. without any sense of exaggeration, i thought that this was the best. if only you will know how much you made me happy.. a waste of time if i'l narrate it ng paulit-ulit... kaya lang, i want you to know na nahihirapan ako sa pinagagawa mo. this requires a lot. well, i wish, makapag-usap tayo, as soon as possible. for now, i want you to know.. i love you.

waah!!! asan ka na?!

2005-09-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

Sir lino, it’s been quite a while.. after that horrendous accident.. namimiss na kita.. didn’t you know that you are my second father.. isa ka sa mga taong nagpakita ng maganda sa akin sa carpark.. kaya naman sir, magparamdam ka please… namimiss ko na ung mga bonding activities natin.. i've never been to bread since that last time na pumunta tayo. pero, alam mo ba na pinaka-da best ung dun tayo sa glorietta... anyway, im just reminscing those times. if in case, you read this, sir, you know how to contact me.. im just here up...

wake up call..

2005-08-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

i've been in weeping nights for a month now... for i realized that what i am doing is quite improper. it's not supposed to be this way.
i thought, as i always do.. that it would be easy for me to juggle school, home and work. the consequence - i should sacrifice my school classes to give way for my schedule in my work. post-hoc fallacy doesn't it?
but then, God didn't let me get lost in the way. He introduced me to people like Kuya Mike, Sir Lino and Ate Marie who made their share to know more about the One.. that One, who believes in myself more than i do.and so, i go over my priorities. they helped me realized that it's my education next to Him, is my target. i said to myself that i should be active again in school.. and regain my enthusiasm in studying. but no.. instead, i only go to school once in a while...running over my obligations in acads..
Oh, this is crap. People keep telling me that my performance in school does not define who I am. And I know I'm not. I'm just being anal-retentive about it.
Please, please, just bonk me on the head. I've started thinking about doing things really out of character, and I don't think it's a good idea. Not now.
Moving on..
I gave up on something I never thought I would but I had to because it just wasn't working...
They say a lot of things happen for a reason, though I'm not quite sure what his is, but I'm willing to find that out until the end... when "this" is supposed to end. See, the thing is, it's not serious nor in any ways deep than the one before. I guess the last one took so much of me that I figured, hey, I'm not in a hurry or anything, and I need a break. But this doesn't mean that I'm cynic on love or anything. I'm not. I'm still the old romantic hag who loves a chick flick and a feel good movie now and then. I'm still dreaming about watching sunsets/sunrises, or taking a stroll along the beach and all that, but I'm still 17, and I'm getting to know myself, and being with him allows me that luxury I did not have before. It's easier that way, you see. The heart can only take too much.
What the heck is this?
my friends, please keep your nylon ropes away from me or else...
PLEASE!!! I NEED SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ME!!

there ya go, rap!

2005-08-12T00:24:00.000-07:00

Here I go again…

It’s been a while my dear blog.. namiss kita ng sobra. Well, matagal man akong nawala, marami naman akong kwento sa iyo. And as always, hihingahan kita ng mga sama ng loob ko sa buhay, kasiyahan at kung anu-ano pa.

Here I go… last week… t’was fun.. nagshopping ((talagang ang term, nagshopping!) ako sa Balintawak market with Mam Lenlen - one of my manager in McDonalds.. closer ako nun, at syempre siya din.. actually, we planned it na before pa.. kagabi lang nagka-time. We’re both interested sa place na yun kasi hindi pa kami parehong nakakapunta doon. I mean, nadadaanan ng bus pero ung mamili doon, we never did ever since. So un.. kung anu-anong gulay ang binili.. nakakatawa nga kasi it’s a form bonding and as well, nagkuwento ako ng mga hinanakit sa buhay ko sa kanya. Sabi niya, mauulit daw un.
Indeed, you never can teach a person how to love. Love, like life, is a matter of choice.
Today, is August 12.. supposed to be.. we are celebrating our first anniversary.. at the same time, it's my kuya's birthday. Hapi birthday to you, you belong to the zoo, Jeremy!!!
I am on the verge of breaking down. I have so much to do...juggling work, school and home at the same time. i am thinking that I should give up my studies, since napag-iiwanan na ko because of too much absences. But then, I thought, na kakayanin ko pang humabol. It's a good thing na may mgfa taong concern pa rin sa akin na magbalik-loob sa Kanya. They gave me one, same but not that easy solution (at least for me).. ask Him. By now, i am trying to regain that spiritual loss. I wish, i hope, this is it.
Ate Marie, Sir Lino (should i say, my second father) and Kuya Mike, thank you so much.. alabyu all! Thanks po sa prayers.. makakabawi din ako sa inyo.
Sensya na kung walang unity.. i am just writing what's on my mind.
Anyway, last Sunday, Ate Marie and I, attended Sunday service at the Word of Hope. T'was nice. The topic is about the storms in our lives., the Jesus allows storms to come in our lives. After that, we took lunch at Jollibee.. i love it. We ate a lot. Actually, we love eating, maybe that's why we always have a blast being together..that is, besides "cutie hunting'! lol.
Attitude is everything. Change your attitude so that your life will change.
We were assigned to do a police beat, as an activity in my Journ 101 class. i am wandering, where will i get those news and how.
Para sa mga taong wala lang, wala lang kayo.
Para kay alyas 5-6, God Bless you.. sorry if i may seem rude pero nasusulasok ako sa'yo. I know that you will reason out, as always, pero wala akong pakialam. Asaran na kung asaran.
Para sa'yo, alam mo na kung sino ka.. hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin sa'yo. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ako o mali sa ginagawa ko ngayon.. i mean sa ganito. Kung ano man yung pinaghihimutok mo ngayon, somehow, may part ka dun. You allowed that to happen. isa pa, pinaliwanagan ka na ng maayos, hindi mo pa naintindihan. All that is happening was like the case of Erap. Using evidences that is of... leche. Alam mo, kung may nabasa ka man, tapos na 'yun eh. Past is past. But no, i am thinking, na idinahilan mo lang un just to give way for your own transactions. I know, and for your information.. i was not hurt. natatawa na lang ako sa nangyayari. natatawa. nagagalak. nabababawan. napa-hahaha. love is sweeter the second time around. for our case, it's an exception. gudlak sa'yo.
i am sorry.. hindi ko napigilan.
hay nakoohh!!
to drop or not to drop?
to love or to hate?
to be good or to be bad?
i need someone who can give me a concrete answer. i don't want mediocrity no more. no more playing safe.
asar! hanggang nagyon, hindi ko pa napapanood ang Charlie.. bakit ba inuna ko pa ung D'Anothers.. (singing:sayang lang ang pera ko, pinambili ng lobo...)
it's time to settle things out for everyone. no more misunderstandings. i want my peace. i need happiness.

(B)inawal na Pag-ibig

2005-06-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

Oh B----, you're yummier than the mojos. I crave more of you than the pizzas you are selling. My system needs you more than the green salads you are serving. I wish i could turn back the hands of time. Naging delinquent ako sa school because of you. I got %.0 in P.E. just to give way for our meeting every thursday. Naalala ko pa ung kakulitan mo at pangingiliti mo sa akin. Videoke, kakain, syempre, mawawala ba ung panonood ng movie. Hay... natatandaan mo pa ba tong letter ko?
i'm sorry i haven't been keeping in touch with you lately. no excuse, really. i was beginning to think you were taking me for granted, so I stopped and gave you space. I don't know. ayoko kasing magkaroon ng bad episode from you, and i really don't want to end up having a broken heart or whatever. and everytime i try to talk to you laging walang response. it's not like i can call you at ur cell, and i would, but I wouldn't know when you'd home or at work or wherever. though i am not blaming you. coincidence lang siguro.. haay.. nahihirapan ako, and half of me says i should let you go, and half of me says this might work out, so i should just hold on. tapos hindi ka pa nagpaparamdam, and i understand. at least i try to. i don't want to demand or anything, because it's not my place. kung ano man yung mangyari between us, my stubborn heart will love you. ewan. there's something about you that makes me want to hold on to whatever we have, even if what we have seems to dangle on the edge of collapse. i'd love to think that i'd go home and you would call, waiting for ur message, i really do. siguro i'm delusional, because we're apart, and it's tearing me up inside. haaay drama.. but i'm asking you, at least, to say what you have to say. but i'd love to feel that you love me, if you still do. let me know if you're okay. i'm just a text away. if not, i can't force you. i don't know. maybe it isn't my place to say anything. but i'm going to say it anyway because i really don't want to feel this way anymore. i don't think you give me time. and i do understand na "hindi lang ako ang concern mo". but it seems as if you're always busy, and you don't seem to spare me some of your time. if i would've known better, maybe it's deliberate. are you trying to avoid me? because if you are, just tell me. i won't bother you anymore. i'm sorry if this sounds so awful, but my heart is breaking, and i do try to understand, given the distance and sched we have, i assumed you would have, at least, tried to email me more often than you usually do or text me. ayun na nga e. i assume. and i always do.to tell you honestly, there are times that a bad idea's popping in my mind...paputol ko na kaya ung landline namin, worthless naman para sakin eh or, i-delete kita sa friendsters list ko or, change my cell number... ewan ko. just trying to know about u. pero, worse pa pala ang nangyari, the more na hindi ako kumibo, ganun ka din. i don't want to think that i'm waiting for nothing. i'm trying to fight the loneliness, when i would check my mails regularly to see if you emailed or whatever.... i'm not trying to demand anything that you can't do, and if you think that i'm asking too much from you, i'm sorry. i still love you, whatever happens. hindi naman magbabago yun e. ang tanong ko lang kung nagbago yung sa'yo.i don't want to give up. i want to know if it's still worth fighting for us. just give me enough reason to.gud day and take care.
Ito ung time na wala na taung communication..for both of us were busy. Namis-interpret mo yata kaya kung anu-ano ung inisip mo. La lang... just reminiscing our moments together lalo ngayo't rainy days..Kung hindi mo pa alam, wala na akong phone. Naghihintay lang ako ng sign mula sa iyo. Sana...maramdaman mo pa ko.

a farewell letter in monochrome

2005-06-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

dated June 14... everything that has been laid on the line was ended...the letter says...

Hey. You okay right there? Are you sitting down? Make sure you are,
because this is sort of a huge thing, and I want you to be okay and
calm before you read this.
You ready? Here we go.
I've decided that I'm letting you go. Yeah. You're free. I've thought
about this for a long time, and during that period I waited for some
kind of sign that says that you still care about me. I've waited so
long for you to do something that did not entail force from my part,
and I swear, the waiting is killing me. It's not working, this
so-called relationship that we have. You see, my definition of a
relationship is some sort of mutual bonding with two people, which
require work from both to maintain it. With this, I think I can safely
say we're not having a relationship. We're just slowly falling apart.
I mean, we were okay when we started out--the first month was hard,
but it turned out okay, because I got to talk to you and everything.
But then you started drifting away. It took forever for you to answer
my emails. I wouldn't know if you were still alive unless I called
you. Heck, I don't even know where you are right now. I mean, I don't
have to know everything about you, but as your girlfriend I think I'm
entitled to know some things about you. But then I was understanding.
I've given you freedom to do as you please, because I was scared that
if I force you I might lose you. But it's not working. I'm still
losing you. I want us so badly to work. I want you to be the person
I'd spend my life with, I want to have kids with you and grow old with
you. But this thing that we have, it's driving me insane. How am I
supposed to know if you still feel the same way if you don't tell me?
I am not blaming you. Maybe you're not as expressive as I thought you
would be. Besides, you're not the only one. It's a complicated thing,
having a long-distance relationship. I haven't been exactly keeping in
touch with you, as of late. I'm not exactly what a girlfriend is
supposed to be. I'm far away, and I don't get to be with you and take
care of you and make you happy. Still, I don't regret being with you.
I love what we had, and I wish I could feel that way again. I miss
feeling the butterflies when I'm with you. Besides, nothing much is
going to change, seeing as we barely talk to each other anyway. Just
kidding. Still. You have so much to do, with you juggling work, school
and home at the same time. I just need to step out of your priorities
so you could focus on the more important things. You'll move on, and
maybe you'll find someone who can actually be there to take care of
you.
I still love you, and I love the way you are, and I want you to be
happy (since I don't think you're happy being with me). Nothing will
change that. It's just that maybe we're better off just friends. Maybe
things between us will work out that way, so I don't have to expect so
much from you.
Yeah, so that's my spiel. I just want this all out, and I don't want
to hide anything from you. Thanks for being the way you are, for
everything. I love you.

(name concealed)

sentiments...

2005-06-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

it's been quite a while....

what's up for you?

are you happy you're free and single now?

good, at least for you.

i'm an outcast.

i'm always ending up alone

alone...nag-iisa

alone.

darn life.

i don't know what's in me that makes me love a person easily.

i said i love you.

don't tell me i didn't.

you told me that you and i won't work.

maybe.

how sure are you?

can you change your mind?

why don't you give it a try?

i should have love "A"

i should have been loyal to "B"

i should have respect "C"

and, im doin' all those things for "D"

but we won't meet... even halfways.

i guess, i should be satisfied... you, being my 'best'.

POTAH!!!

Gago na talaga ako.

"Kung tutuusin, i have all the reasons to be angry with you...but then i realized that I learned to love you".... ang cheesy di'ba?

Time can only say, kung ano tayo in future.

Na-realize ko lang...not to expect love in return.

Lahat ng bagay hindi makukuha sa pa-cute...lalo't kung panget ka. Chaka, kumbaga.

Above all, you can't have all the thing in life...

"Can I?"

An Artsy-Fartsy Something....

2005-02-04T05:05:00.001-08:00

Just a quickie before I get myself occupied with acad stuffs and thingies...

In my EDSP 126 ( Programs for Children with Special Needs, if my memory will serve me right) class, a major subject which is I am taking... we did a something like 'Art Attack' or should I say 'Art skul' locally. Paper folding, paper crumpling, Bubble Painting, Body Painting, Doilies, and a lot of art-method thingies reminded me of my years when I was still a grader. Should you have think and ask what my point is, be not consumed of doing so... actually, I just said that....

Ain't it funny? lol...

Nah... I was about to share my unproductive days at school... If it wouldn't be time wasting with loafing, eating and malling, it is ending up going back to the places you don't want yourself to be seen in again. I'm talking the boring art galleries at the ArtWalk at the Megamall. An Art Studies 1 class requirement, actually. Hay...Darn life...it's so bummer...

After a minute or two of reflection on what I have written....

I just found out that some things while schooling, when related to practical life, are way far unrelated in either ways of consaguinity...hehe...i can't think of the term. bear with me... (OMG. Am I talking rhetorics?) It only shows how our educational system works...it's like saying, how does rotten things smell.

Oh imperfection...........

Gtg.. have nothing senseless to say.. 'til we meet again...

Muah.

Chapter 1: The Beginning...

2005-02-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

Greetings to everyone... *waves*

Welcome to my crib... or should i say... my world.. haha! But before anything else, I would like to introduce you the owner of this crib/blogspot.... Before you all, I would like you to meet... me! *claps.....repeat to fade*

Anyway...

Bonjour! Je m'appelle Monsieur Rafael Patrick Pecjo. Je suis 18 ans. Je suis etudiant et j'habite a navotas. Je suis nes pas francais, je suis philippin.

I just said hi, I'm Rafael Patrick Pecjo. I am a student and I live at navotas. I am not a French, I am a Filipino. Just to add, you can contact me thru my mobile, and my number is 09213687224 or thru email, dylan_thomas17@yahoo.com. What are the things you may know about me? Well, to tell you frankly, it's too many... but it usually tells somethings about my catatonic relationship with life. (Doi. who the hell cares then.) Like this one... I want to share to you this. My girlfriend who migrated to Canada last September posted an article in her lj (livejournal.com) account. It was dated October 22 and it says...

Like I said, I'm moving on. Well, it actually took a lot before I finally decided that it is time to move on. I keep thinking that I'm still going home, and that I'm just taking a vacation in Canada or whatever, even when I knew that it was just a one-way ticket here. I guess I'm really the reason why I'm tied to all these memories, because I keep reliving them, and thinking about what could have happened and all that shit. But now I'm happy to say that I'm okay. I'm starting to love living in Canada, and I'm ready to face whatever that comes my way. It's like what you said to me in your palanca. Live out of the box, because you are more than what the box could ever contain. And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm not conforming to anything right now, and I'm living my life best I could, and I think I'm doing well. I know some of whom I could call my friends (although I think I will never find a best friend or "the bestest buddy in the whole world" :)) Some of my classmates are talking to me now, and that's, well, a good thing. I'm giving myself more time to adjust, and then, let's see what happens. I just hope that everything turns out okay. Then again, I won't really get over everything. I will always miss you, and I will always miss living in the Philippines. I think that is something I can never really take away.

I really don't know how to react on this for it's really my fault not communicating with her even through the easiest the most possible means...thru email. (Got to stop talking 'bout this or else...*sigh*.... 'tis okay) I swear that I really understand her. I know (if) that will make her feel good. I understand from these words that in her new world, she's finally making sense. Oh yeah, she's moving on. She is happy now and she like make things better for her. Good for you! ....Whew! Is it hot in here or what?

On the contrary, I wish she understands my situation. I know she does. She has a good heart and I know, someway and somehow, she still remembers me who gives her the butterflies-in-her-stomach feeling..that I am still her angel wherein she doesn't sure if I'm the fallen or the sent kind. Nah. T'was a joke. Note: Jokes are half-meant. To end this, I want you to know that I really miss you and I still love you. Advanced happy V-day, Xandra.

Moving on....

On the other news:
I had my on-the-job evaluation at the Mc Donalds at the SM City Carpark. If you will remember, last wednesday, I passed a resume then they called me up last saturday to take exam and then for an interview. Based on my gut-feelings on the result of the interview, I won't make it. Except for a fact that I became O.C. on the essay exam. That same day, they told me to go on tuesday (that's yesterday) for the OJE. T'was fun, I swear, but tiring at the same time. I became a crew for a day. I fix the table. I mop the floors. I greet and smile at the guests, a lot. I was also placed at the counter. I'm jerking, my knees were wobbling. They will evaluate our performance so we have to wait for a week for their phone call. I wish I could move on to the next level of tests. It somehow gives me a feeling of being a survivor in Starstruck. Pray for me guys and wish me good luck....*crosses fingers and toes hopefully*

Woah. Working student life is amazing but it is so important that you mastered time management. I wish I could say the same for some of the stuff that's concerned with me, but then again, I really can't have everything in life. Can I?